The Funny Papers

I regularly read The Los Angeles Times on-line, even though I am now an official Texan, because I was born and raised in Los Angeles County. I still have lots of affection for my old stomping grounds, and the friends and family that live there, so I like to keep up with the goings-on of L.A every day.

I actually have lots of affection for the L.A. Times, too. My Dad has for many years had a daily subscription to the Times and the San Gabriel Valley Tribune. This is really something when you consider that Dad could give tightwad lessons to Amy Dacyczn (so I come by it naturally). In a household of readers, those newspapers sure got a lot of mileage. I guess that’s why Dad thought they were worth the expense even though he could get the daily news on TV.

We all had our favorite sections. Everyday that newspaper (and the SGV Trib) got scattered all over the house, much to my father’s irritation. It was really something how the different parts of those papers could up and disappear so quickly, considering that all six of us lived cheek-by-jowl in a barely 1000 sq ft house. But sooner or later, every newspaper in that house got read by everyone and then re-used in some way (Dad’s favorite: washing windows-love that squeaky sound!) and then eventually recycled at our church’s monthly paper-drive (and that was long before recycling was as “fashionable” as it is today).

I’ve noticed a lot lately, what with the economy being in the toilet, that the Times has an article almost every day either on some “money-saving” topic or on the price of a barrel of oil. This is a goldmine for a frugal blogger such as myself, because it saves me the bother of coming up with original ideas every day (not as easy as it seems when you are a big lazy like myself). But sometimes, in their efforts to inform their public about the latest “frugal” trends, the good ol’ L.A. Times is kind of funny. But that just makes me love the little dickens even more, heh heh.

For example, in the June 19, 2008 edition the Times features an article called “Gourmet Kitchen, Lean Cuisine Cook” by Lori Shepler. It starts off kind of strangely (not to give anything way, but it ends kind of strangely, too), with a Los Angeles- and a New York- based interior designer sort of knocking their wealthy clients for wanting high-end appliances (like Wolf and SubZero) in their mega-bucks kitchen remodels (because rich people apparently mostly use their kitchens for microwaving Lean Cuisines and for catering big, fancy parties. Which is an interesting little factoid to learn about rich people - they know the joys of microwaving).

Apparently, these designers are against this ‘waste’, so I’m guessing that to assuage their outraged principles they march their rich clients right down to WalMart and order them forthwith to buy a Kelvinator refrigerator. (And here I just want to give Kelvinator fridges some props. I don’t think that they are even made anymore. I bought one for my first apartment when I was in college; after I bought it everyone said, “Why did you buy a Kelvinator! They’re the worst refrigerators ever made!” My sister even had a dream about this terrifying situation. Well, I bought it because that was all I could afford at the time, of course. Also, back then there wasn’t really an Internet as a source for scary appliance reviews. And guess what?! - Sixteen years later, it’s still going strong. It’s right here in my kitchen, humming along cheerfully next to me as I write this. I love you, K-dog).

According to this article, even though lots of people want to save their pennies right now, there is still a segment of the population that wants (and can afford) $150,000 - $200,000(!) kitchen remodels (so much for my interior designer-principles-marching-to-Walmart theory). But, in line with the L.A. Times crusading spirit, the author points out that there is another way. The Frugal-Kitchen-Remodel Way. (This is where things get kind of funny).

The Times points us in the, er, right Frugal Kitchen Remodeling direction by relating the story of a textile designer who really needed to remodel her hopelessly outdated kitchen on the purchase of a home in Eagle Rock a few years ago. She’s a single mom, so she couldn’t afford the $50,000 that most remodelers were demanding to get her hopeless kitchen up to even minimum standards. She didn’t ask for much either: she was willing to settle for a Tappan Range and marble (?!) countertops. After a bit of shopping around she was finally able to find a contractor who could work with her and her limited budget. As the happy customer says, she got what she wanted and she “didn’t compromise much at all.” And such a deal she got, too - her new kitchen cost her only $40,700 (NOT a good idea for frugal living).

Now do you see why I love the Los Angeles Times so much? Those little rascals can be just too, too funny - implying that a $41,000 kitchen remodel is a bargain. For most people in the world, practically speaking there isn’t a whole lot of difference between a $200,000 remodel job and a $40,700 job.

There is a picture of this “bargain” minimalist kitchen, and it really is lovely. But I know lots of people (such as myself) who have had to “freshen” up their old kitchens with not much more than a couple of gallons of (sale-priced) paint and $1.00 per yard WalMart fabric. That D-I-Y job was many years ago in my first house, and I can remember being very pleased and satisfied with this (truly) minimalist face-lift. Of course, that kitchen would have been laughed right out of the L.A. Times, but I was pretty proud of myself at the time. The truth is, it takes a lot more creativity and ingenuity to “remodel” a kitchen with a $100 budget than it does with a $41,000 “bargain” budget.

I know that the L.A. Times means well, but couldn’t they have found someone who did a decent remodel for, say, $5,000 (I know, I know, that’s still a lot of money, but I’m trying to make it easy on the Times)? Maybe I’m crazy, but it seems do-able. To me that would be a much more interesting and instructive story, as well. There has got to be more to frugal kitchen remodel tips than simply opting for a Tappan range and marble counters. What are some of those tips, L.A. Times? I really want to know!

Wait a sec, I have a few ideas: do-it-yourself; paint; forgo remodeling altogether and give your kitchen a good clean and de-clutter instead; move (that’s the one I usually go for; maybe it’s not the cheapest but it’s the easiest); make new curtains and other accessories yourself out of that inexpensive fabric I mentioned above; replace the cheapest things cheaply (i.e. an ugly light fixture with a new pretty, cheap/salvaged/second-hand light fixture); prioritize and do things a little bit at a time as you can afford them instead of all at once (it’s a crazy idea: saving up for something before you buy it).

Overall, this article strikes me as very hilarious. And like all the great hilarious stories, it has a humdinger of an ending. I can’t make this stuff up, so I’ll just quote it directly (in relation to the happy-ending “bargain” remodel):

“The result is a handsome and practical kitchen that might not be large enough to make a caterer happy but that suits her needs as a single mom who, in fact, does a lot of cooking. “I don’t think I would do it now,” she says, “because I probably wouldn’t be able to afford it.”" Wow!