My Birthday Empire

Warning: Reading the following can be hazardous to your health.  It is possible you will suffer from a severe case of the Envies, resulting in an instantly green complexion.

When You-Know-Who was handing out Gifts, I think He must have given my sis’ Debbie an extra heaping portion.  I didn’t get any portions, which can be lowering to the ego, but on the other hand I am often on the receiving end of my sister’s insane talents.  So for a lazy person such as myself this actually works out great.  I get awesome stuff - without all the hard work.

She put her genius on high boil for my most recent birthday.  Prepare to be amazed.

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  This IS a Pink and Orange Motor Scooter apron.  I have the finest apron collection known to mankind, and this is the masterpiece.  Yes, she did make it herself.

What? Is this possible? I’m afraid so.  It is 25 HANDMADE all-occasion greeting cards.  There is a slight problem with this, however.  I cannot bear to part with a single card.  Each one is an entirely unique work of art.  I think I will frame them instead, and continue buying my cards at the Dollar Store. Oh, by the way, a Pink Motor Scooter draw-string carrying bag is included.  See, it’s there at the top.

No need to adjust your computer monitor.  You’re eyes are not deceiving you.  That is a Pink and Orange Motor Scooter tote bag, with a coordinating Pink Motor Scooter T-shirt.  I am inspired to acquire Michelle Obama arms, in order to display these two to their best advantage. It would just not be fair to subject this magnificent pair to my current sausage arms.

My sister thinks of everything.  This is my secret weapon against sausage arms.  These recipes are amazing.  And look delicious.  Plenty of desserts, too, which is always the first section I look at in a new cookbook. If I do the math, I can see that I can eat an amazing SIX of these scrumptious recipes a day and in no time I will have those Michelle Obama arms.

This is the march of the little tiny Motor Scooters.  They are so tiny that they are very hard to see, even with the naked eye.  But I know that they are there, which is the important thing.  These are magnets.  I went all over the house trying to find a place they would magnet to.  I even tried my Pink Motor Scooter but the only metal on that is the muffler.  That didn’t seem like such a good idea.  I guess we live in a plastic world.  I finally put them on my range hood, where they will reign down love and beauty and inspiration on my cooking.  Which can use all the love and beauty and inspiration it can get.

There you have it.  How’s your mind? Is it blown?

I must go now.  Time to wallow in my birthday booty.